i'm too powerful for this world: self care

Today, during my meditation-yoga-aggressive oiling-gratitude-spirulina-cat brushing hours, I got very emotional while I was staring at my “office” corner (which obviously 3-feet away from the "gym" section of the living room). I was admiring it… like the placement of things and why I chose to put those things there… you know – classic OCD stuff - and then I realized that I designed it so I would have something beautiful to look at all the time. It’s visually distracting in a purifying way. So many details… and leaves. I was mostly impressed that I realized, while I was gazing in that direction, that I chose to care about what I see and how I see it. I took time being particular about it. I made a conscious choice to make it beautiful as if I knew what future-me would like. I hung my degrees and diplomas instead of keeping them filed away with a weird shame for them. Can’t explain that feeling yet.

Anyway, the other cool thing is I propagated all of the plants that are in that space and some have been with me more than a decade. So, there’s like another layer to the whole thing. Admiring something I've done for myself is... so precious.

I have officially decided that I like the reminder of what I’ve achieved even if it’s not something I am currently practicing. Maybe I’ll start making my own diplomas and posting them all over my apartment. I WILL BE SO POWERFUL hahaha. I mean, if just the look of these ones gets me off, I'm about to take masturbating to a new level. Yeeeeah maaaaan. This is America, you can do whatever you want here. [tangent: I switched colleges my last semester so I could pass statistics by cheating online. ::el oh el:: Online colleges were just starting to really POP POP back then. It’s a little annoying I don’t get the street cred for where I spent most of my time studying but it really has never mattered as far as my career goes.] I’ll leave it at that.

Thanks for you. Love, me